New Year - Time to Shut Up and Stop Complaining. Hip Hip Hooray.

Today is 2009. This year I'll start working, and I'll be waving those years and lifetime attending classes goodbye. I remembered an earlier time when my father was teaching me how to use the toilet properly. I remembered the few times my mother would come home from the hospital with a new baby - my younger sister and my two brothers. I remembered my old school bag with a picture of a cartoon swan at the front zipper. I remembered the little things, the familiar scent of my nanny when I was younger, those junk food i bought after school, that lifetime when the world is a happy place, when I have a mother and a father and a family and friends and school.

I also remembered a vital portion of my life - my complaints. I complain about everything. I wished my handbags are more expensive. I wished my life is more adventurous. I wished I was richer. I wished I didnt have to go to school and spend more time doing anything I want to do. Most of all I liked to complain that my life is not satisfactory enough, like there are so many things waiting for me to do.

Humans are designed to be ungrateful. That is why older men face mid-life crisis and teenagers rebel, why girls want to be skinnier and chidlren think parents are getting in their ways. We are designed to always want more and keep complaining. I am a true example of these people. So to have a resolution to stop complaining would probably be utterly impossible, for me or for anyone else. It's like defying how we were made.

Sometimes when I think about it, I honestly, and I'm not just saying this - loathe myself. I get scared that one day, maybe, God will be tired of listening to my complaints that He would stop giving me anything anymore. Last night was the new year's eve and all I ever did was complain that I did not have a proper celebration, like going out with friends and watching fireworks and screaming and yelling for no reason in excitement in the Perth city. I complained that my life was boring. After midnight I was reading 'Yahoo News' and it said that children died in Palestine during the bombing. Adults too. So as I was complaining about my boring New Year's Eve, simultaneously as I was speaking, a mother had lost her child, a girl had lost a brother, someone was not able to say a proper goodye to her father, and a boy could not even find the pieces of his dead mother.

As I thought about this I wondered why God did not send someone, or something, to come and slap me right across my face and to tell me to SHUT UP AND STOP COMPLAINING. Because God understands that men reap what they sew, that men are selfish, self-centered and have no appreciation on how lucky they are. I'd bet that while I was complaining that my clothes were out of season and my laptop is too old, someone on the darker side of the world, Palestine, say, would give anything to have my life.

So this year, I am going to make a new resolution. The old ones would still be affective of course, those same old resolutions that I've always had, like losing a few pounds, working out more, sleep less etc. But besides that, I will add one more thing to my resolution.

I want to do something that has nothing to do with myself and my benefits.

I'm not sure exactly what it is. Maybe I'll volunteer for a charity, maybe in a few years I will adopt an orphan, maybe I will spend my Christmas holidays helping out refugees in some other countries. I have not figured out exactly what it is that I want to do, but I will definitely do it. My father always told me that when we die, one of the things that will stop us from going to heaven would be those people who I could've helped in this world but I did nothing to help them, because I was busy being too self-absorbed. Why wouldn't they anyway? The life after this holds so much more justice that this world will ever have. And I don't want that to happen to me.

So once I've started working this year and I am more financially stable to support myself I would give it a better plan. And I am definitely going to ask my girlfriends (that'll be you guys, Hana, Odd, Zaza, etc) if they want to do something too. I mean, I'm sure it'll be a lot better if I have friends to do it with. And I am definitely sure that my girlfriends with their lucky lives would look forward to do something bigger than themselves too, right? Wink wink ;)

So, year 2009. Here's hoping for a life better lived, time well spent, and friends and family well loved. Peace out~

Today was murky, cloudy and rainy most of the time, and you know how this kind of mood gets me going ;) I was sitting on my desk staring outside at the wet street when I was inspired to write this.

I love how you smile,
when you watch me venture off into the world,
I love when you never let the ladies carry heavy things,
Or let them drive as long as you're around,
I love how you let the girls walk first,
and you'll walk behind,
I love it when you hold my hand (and the rest of the kids),
when we cross busy roads and junctions,
I love how you never let the ladies do the hard work,
And you do it all by yourself,
I love how you tell me stories,
about your life and the funny things alongside it,
I love the way you're proud of me,
and talk to everyone about me and what I've done,
I love those crisp shirts that you wear,
and how you tell me a man is nothing without his toothbrush,
I love how you're so protective,
How you never let me walk home alone,
I love it when you're always waiting for me,
Instead of the other way around,
I love when you worry about whether I have eaten,
Or if my stomach hurts or if I have enough cash in hand,
I love how you cook whenever you can,
and do chores without being asked,
I love how you desperately want me to have the best in life,
when it will have no effect on you whatsoever,
I love when you throw tantrums for some lost keys,
and found them inside your pants' pocket,
I love it when you're romancing my Mother,
in the kitchen when you think we weren't looking,
I love how you devote yourself to the love of your life,
and build a home and life with us in it,
Most of all I love it when I look around this world that I live in,
and I know that no man will ever replace you in my heart.

I miss you Abah! Sorry I didn't get you a birthday present!

The Historical Pig And What It Has To Do With Robin WIlliams

I just saw Robin Williams on youtube. Youtube is like a bad curse! Have you ever realised how much valuable time you spend on that darn website? It's addictive, I think it has the potential to even overrule meth and crack. I mean, yesterday I spent hours watching the Victoria's Secret runway show (Hana, when will I ever be rich enough to afford them bras? Now is a good time to start considering marrying Donald Trump). And today I've been watching all stand up comedies from David Chapelle, Russel Peters and Robin Williams.

Robin Williams says nowadays everyone is into the whole 'iPod' scene. Well he's looking for an 'iWife'. It's got a 'touch' screen, where you can touch all you want, a hole, it doesn't pretend to know everything, and the best part is it knows that he has a 'hard' drive. Get it? Hilarious!!

Zaza wants me to tell the pork story. So here goes. We Muslims can't eat pork, and honestly even if we can, I'd think twice about those two wet snorty holes in the pig's face. But we found this Buddhist restaurant that serves everything soy. They have imitations of everything - fish, chicken, cat, and God bless them, pork! Now I know if my neighbour in Serdang sees me eating a pork-imitated soy dish, she would start shaking her head, turn to the nearest group of kids and say, "You see that girl? You don't want to be like her. She's on a fast track to prison."

Anyway, one fine night we decided to give it a try. One can't help but wonder how a pig tastes like. What was the fuss all about? So we ordered. One fat plate of honey soy pork. And here comes the lumps of red coloured soy meat. Meanwhile Zaza was still denying her right to taste the soy pork. Instead she was having this hideous plate of crispy noodles, which looks like a bird's nest to me. All it needs is a few feather strands here and there, and lo and behold! A fat Dodo bird might land on it.

I tried the soy pork. First mouthful. Exactly how I thought pig would taste like. Chewy. Strangely sweet. Now this is quite nice, I thought. Second mouthful. Is it just me or does this meat feels strangely chewy? Almost like eating fat. Third mouthful. Okay, puking alert, puking alert! Then I look up at Zaza and said, "you should try them! They're really good!"

Oh by the way, throughout this whole story, Hana was just busy picking on the chicken salad. Sadly enough she had spared me any blonde moments throughout this dinner. I swear to God, usually she even makes Paris Hilton look bad.

Now here comes Zaza with her first taste of bloody soy pork. She chews it, pauses for a moment, then said, "It's okay I guess." Do you know this look people always give you when they're lying? It's a very significant look. Their noses would be slightly flared, and they say their words out slowly. In this case Zaza was saying how it tastes okay, but that smile on her face literally screams Oh-God-get-me-a-paper-bag. And that was our pork moment.

The One Where I Found Out That We Grew Up

I honestly can't believe that I haven't been blogging for more than a year! This could possibly be due to me busy being educated on rocks and soils and the works. I still remember sitting in class watching my old-as-fossil lecturer talking about some trilobites (which are basically ancient cockroaches that died. Honestly, I'm beginning to feel that the cockroaches themselves weren't aware that they were important). Now I am on the fast track to graduate! Yeehaa!

I just got back from a three-week long winter holiday getaway. I went to East Australia, spent all my money, and now I'm ending up eating Maggi for the rest of the bloody month.

The trip was great. Wait. That's an understatement. The trip was super! I haven't seen my girlfriends for ages, and it was good to be back with the old crowd. Hana has a boyfriend now, which made me feel like I was the one stuck in time and she took the express train to Capri. But he was a really nice guy, and I could never be more happy for her. I just hope to God that she doesn't have any 'future' plans yet (we have travelling plans, remember?). Odd has turned into this incredible, gorgeous woman, and it's amazing how just a few years back, we were busy sneaking out of dinner halls and hiding under the beds from wardens. Oh, and need I to remind you about all those late night binging? Sigh, the times where you can eat a tonne of junk food and never gain a pound. Zaza is literally the new hot stuff, the amazing transition from Mr. Macho Man I'm-with-the-guitar-and-a-checkered-shirt to about twenty handbags. Changes, changes.

Sydney was bea-utiful! I especially loved the long ferry rides where you sit outside and watch the city lights at night. It makes you feel like there's a whole world out there. You can either choose to sit back and watch the world rotate or jump in and join the whole chaos. The sea breeze is so nice in your face and the whole city passes you buy. There was a couple who was standing in front of me trying to take pictures of themselves with the Harbour Bridge at the background. Did you know that some people have the nerves to walk along the top of the bridge? I mean, the height of it! I would probably throw up all over the place if I was there.

There was this one time where we ended up by the sea at around 7 that night. The Harbour Bridge was in view, the Opera House was sparkling and the whole city to the left was all lights and tall buildings. We sat on the benches and talked and ate KFC and had drinks. People were passing by doing their own business, and I saw small cafes further up the road. It was full of people and it was lonely at the same time. We were sitting right off the sea and the bridge. Then I realised, this is one of my to-do lists in life! I had this one long list of things that I want to do before I die. Nothing ridiculous, just things that are achievable but I am yet to do. Like bitch slapping someone and getting away with it. Go ice-skating in an open park at night. Learn to play the guitar. At #15 in the list I said 'have coffee by the bridge beside the sea/river at night'. And I did it! I can now tick that one out of the list!

Then we moved to Canberra. It was a nice, small, quiet place, the kind of place where you would certainly consider spending your retired days in when you're old and crumpled. I have this mental image of me, 50 years from now (or more, hopefully!), with a face that looks as if I just ate a whole lemon, and the juices all sucked out of me, walking along the streets where the trees are bare and the green fields empty. Canberra has by far the best variety of restaurants I've seen in Australia. Pancake Parlour was amazing! It has an old pub feel to it, and wooden furnitures and floors and vintage paintings made the place feel warm despite the weather outside that could literally give your nose a frost-bite. Oh, and let's not go to the pancakes. I will only say this; if I am to go on a hiking trip to the Everest, and I'm only allowed to bring one single meal, that would be it! The people in Canberra was so nice as well! The girls were friendly,and here I thought they stopped making nice boys in this world =P.

When I had to leave I wanted to bawl my eyes out so baaad, but my macho-ness got the better of me. Hana and Zaza was there at the bus stop, and as I sat in the bus while they passed by, all I could think of was that here was another goodbye; I do not own any better friends than my boarding school girls. I mean, imagine this. I was going on a skiing trip early that morning and I forgot my shoes. Zaza and Hana both drove back to send them to me at 2 in the morning! Who the hell does that? I was really touched that they went through all the trouble so the lousy-clumsy me could get my shoes.

When I got to Sydney airport Odd came to have lunch with me even when it was for a couple of hours. She came with a cab to have boring sandwiches with me for 2 hours. I love her for that!

So that basically wraps up my whole winter holiday. You know you've had the perfect holiday when

1. Something broke (Zaza's heater leg.Sorry!)

2. Someone falls brutally but escapes with no broken ribs (me down Perisher. Fuzzy.=P)

3. You learn new words (sengkiu!)

4. You find people shorter than you (sorry Hana. I love you really)

5. You find someone cute =)

6. You realise Perth is not alone in the boring-city category

7. You buy something you would never have bought (a magazine just so you get the free notebook)

8. You spent all your money

9. You gain an extra kilo

10. You come back happier than ever!

All I want is to have coffee by the bridge

I woke up today and had the worst feeling ever. I'm 19. Already? It's a scary era where all that my housemates ever talk about is getting hitched, and all the boys seems so, well, so. Full stop. I haven't found any word in the dictionary that could express that thing most accurately. Then I just pulled the blinds over and watched the sky from my bed. Autumn. It's all dark and murky during this season. I don't feel like waking up, because once i place my feet on the carpet, it signals the start of a day of papers and books and God forbid results for my previous tests.

If I die today, right this second, what will I regret most? I mean, besides all the crap I've been doing in my actions. It will be a life not lived. A life where all I did was follow the world, instead of the world following me. I grew up with school and books, and live my life along them. Stress? Exams are coming. Happiness? I got superb grades. Depression? I flunked my algebra.

Nothing in my life, it seems, revolve from anything else except education. My parents take pride in me being all smart, and I'm glad they feel that way. I love that feeling too, you know, being all above people and everything. But honestly, if there's this one wish that I could possibly have, it's just to chuck everything aside, move to London, start a career designing bags and shoes, and travel.

I know, I sound like those girls who got in the Oprah show, saying things like 'I hated my life, that's why I took math drugs and decided to jump off a building, bla bla bla.' For one thing, who the hell said drugs can cure? i mean, sure, you get stoned and you don't have to face the misery of being just a bullshit to the world, but come on. Once the whole 'high' thing is over, you'll become a miserable bullshit all over again. So you might as well get over it in sanity.

And plus, I'm not saying I hated myself. I don't. I'm grateful for what I already have, but I just knew, I just know, that there are so much more to life than just books. I live in a staple world where you're either academically smart or just plain dumb for anything else. Nobody cares much about boots. By boots, I mean alternatives. A life of travelling. A life of enjoying the moments of having coffee by the bridge. A life of freedom to do what we want as long as it's right.

Sometimes, I just hated everyone around me. They only remind me of the boring life. The life where all my girlfriends ever do is gossip and bitch behind someone else's back. I'm tired of gossiping. Waste of time, and a waste of space. What do I care? It's not that my life is perfect that I can actually judge other people now. I hate people judging me, so why am I jugdging people?

Then there are the boys. They're nice boys, if I may say. They're great friends. Not the kind of all-i-think-about-is-getting-laid kind of boys. They actually have personalities. But sometimes I get so sick of them as well. We come from this different world where there's a set of mentality. It has nothing to do with my religion. In fact, bless my religion, it's the only thing that I could rely on. I seek solace in this one truth and one belief. I feel like the nobody understands me and complete me more than God. I'm glad for that.

Okay, anyways. I hate the 'mentality'. After writing this, I realise that it's not the problem with the people. It's the problem with the mentality. So that's my worst enemy.