The Soundtrack of My Life

Trouble (Coldplay) – Beautiful, Cold/Freezing, Quiet mornings in Perth
Coast to Coast (Westlife) – Mom and Dad in the car when I was younger. They were huge fans of Westlife
Zikir Zaman (Ramli Sarip) – Dad in his patriotic mood
Better man (Robbie Williams) – Dad melayan jiwang, preferably in the car
Stop Right Now (Spice Girls) – Childhood in UK. Obsession with the Spice Girls to the extent of sticker and bubble-gum collection.
Strawberry Swing (Coldplay) – A really good night in the city. Good weather, good friends, the river reflecting the entire city lights. With coffee in one hand.
Dua Tiga Kuching Berlari (Lullaby) – Opah putting babies to sleep (myself included)
Because You Love Me (Celine Dion) – Mom cooking in the kitchen, while wishing she could watch TV instead.
River Flows in You (Piano by Yiruma) – Don’t feel down about all the bad dates you have. Some people have seriously tragic love stories.
Ordinary Day (Vanessa Carlton) – I wish I could play the piano. Oh wait maybe I should learn how to do that…
Down (Jay Sean) – Table dancing at the ladies’ night
Why can’t I (Liz Phair) – Teenage years obsessing over my first boyfriend
Steer (Missy Higgins) – I want to climb mountains, discover cities, eat pasta in small Italian villages and see the rest of the world!
Only Hope (Mandy Moore) – Raudhatul Akmal. One particular rainy afternoon in boarding school, she and I were lying down on the cold cement floor of the dormitory listening to my dodgy walkman to this very song. Ever since then every time I hear it I kept thinking of that exact moment.
Who Let the Dogs Out? (Baha Men) – That slut needs some serious bitch-slapping
God is The Light (Yusuf Islam) – One of those rare moments when I’m contempt with just being myself and wanting to become a better person.
Single Ladies (Beyonce) – Who needs men?
Hey Jude (The Beatles) – Sigh. Wouldn’t it be fun to have a date right now.
The Blower’s Daughter (Damien Rice) – Cloudy sunsets at the beach
Tell Me Baby (Red Hot Chili Peppers) – Seriously kick-ass concerts, loud crowds and lots of sweat
Just Around the Riverbend (Pocahontas, Disney) – Is-this-all-there-is-to-my-life mood
Somewhere Only We Know (Keane) – Rainy misty mornings in London
Yellow (Coldplay) – Love and all the crazy things we do for it
Scandalous (Mis-Teeq) – Victoria’s Secret models
Radio (Ne-yo) – Road Trip to Bintulu, 2006. No radio coverage, just one CD. And this same song kept playing over and over again.
May It Be (Anya) – Sitting on top of a green hill on a nice day and sketching the view.
Happy (Leona Lewis) – A guy I know.

All I want is to have coffee by the bridge

I woke up today and had the worst feeling ever. I'm 19. Already? It's a scary era where all that my housemates ever talk about is getting hitched, and all the boys seems so, well, so. Full stop. I haven't found any word in the dictionary that could express that thing most accurately. Then I just pulled the blinds over and watched the sky from my bed. Autumn. It's all dark and murky during this season. I don't feel like waking up, because once i place my feet on the carpet, it signals the start of a day of papers and books and God forbid results for my previous tests.

If I die today, right this second, what will I regret most? I mean, besides all the crap I've been doing in my actions. It will be a life not lived. A life where all I did was follow the world, instead of the world following me. I grew up with school and books, and live my life along them. Stress? Exams are coming. Happiness? I got superb grades. Depression? I flunked my algebra.

Nothing in my life, it seems, revolve from anything else except education. My parents take pride in me being all smart, and I'm glad they feel that way. I love that feeling too, you know, being all above people and everything. But honestly, if there's this one wish that I could possibly have, it's just to chuck everything aside, move to London, start a career designing bags and shoes, and travel.

I know, I sound like those girls who got in the Oprah show, saying things like 'I hated my life, that's why I took math drugs and decided to jump off a building, bla bla bla.' For one thing, who the hell said drugs can cure? i mean, sure, you get stoned and you don't have to face the misery of being just a bullshit to the world, but come on. Once the whole 'high' thing is over, you'll become a miserable bullshit all over again. So you might as well get over it in sanity.

And plus, I'm not saying I hated myself. I don't. I'm grateful for what I already have, but I just knew, I just know, that there are so much more to life than just books. I live in a staple world where you're either academically smart or just plain dumb for anything else. Nobody cares much about boots. By boots, I mean alternatives. A life of travelling. A life of enjoying the moments of having coffee by the bridge. A life of freedom to do what we want as long as it's right.

Sometimes, I just hated everyone around me. They only remind me of the boring life. The life where all my girlfriends ever do is gossip and bitch behind someone else's back. I'm tired of gossiping. Waste of time, and a waste of space. What do I care? It's not that my life is perfect that I can actually judge other people now. I hate people judging me, so why am I jugdging people?

Then there are the boys. They're nice boys, if I may say. They're great friends. Not the kind of all-i-think-about-is-getting-laid kind of boys. They actually have personalities. But sometimes I get so sick of them as well. We come from this different world where there's a set of mentality. It has nothing to do with my religion. In fact, bless my religion, it's the only thing that I could rely on. I seek solace in this one truth and one belief. I feel like the nobody understands me and complete me more than God. I'm glad for that.

Okay, anyways. I hate the 'mentality'. After writing this, I realise that it's not the problem with the people. It's the problem with the mentality. So that's my worst enemy.