I woke up as usual today. Had my pancakes and cereal, then headed off to finish some last minute assignments. God knows why the hell did I chose this course for college anyway. The lecturers assume that we're some kind of assignment machines, and even if I am a machine, all my screws will be popping out by now.
So i walked back home from college after sending in the papers, and then my alter ego started to kick in. If I have one choice, one free choice, to do whatever it is that I want now and not worry about the consquences, what will I do? Well, for starters, I'd drop the course immediately, since I wouldn't have to worry about my scholarship any longer. Then I'd put down my hair, put a nice top on, comfortable pumps, and go out shopping like mad, because I wouldn't have to worry about my bank account. Then I'll go out dancing the whole night in the city, since that's what I've always loved doing, without worrying that my mom would kill me, bring me to life, and kill me again.
See? The path I've so chosen is not even this close to the path that I've always wanted to go. Regrets? We all have them. But really, regrets won't get you anywhere. I wouldn't just sit by the drain and sulk at my fate, but I will have to live it instead. Not everyone's lucky. Not everyone is born with a credit card stuffed in her mouth, or the fantasy life that we all secretly have at the back of our minds.
People think I'm blessed. I have a considerably stable family. I say that because I don't like the superficial statement. I have a loving family, my parents are the best. The best as compared to what? A deranged prosecutor? It's superficial. My parents are good parents, and I'm grateful for my family. I think my life could actually be used for a 'good life' advertisement. Raised well. Boarding school. Good college. Bright future. I'm probably the girl that has it all. But when I'm here, when I'm breathing it all in, the success, the pride, I feel... kind of bored.
Bored. Yeah, that's probably the most accurate way of saying it. I found this boring, boring girl who lives a planned life. Grow up, live, work, then die. What happened to Mia Thermopolis, whose world was changed when she became royalty? Or Haley Scott, who got married with a highschool sweetheart and went on a concert tour? Or Elle Woods, who got to law school and fashion school at the same time? They seemed to have those things that I've been looking for, excitement. Adventure. Drama.
So why would boots win? Because if I could, I would walk by the London Bridge at night with another person in my Christian Dior boots. I would wear my ugg boots and enjoy the scenery of the Alps mountain while sitting on a large rock with a tea in my hand. I would smile by the Eiffel Tower in my Chanel boots when I find out that he's the one, just by looking at his smile. And I would walk by Saks Fifth venue with shopping bags all over the place and my Coach ankle boots intact.
Life is short, that's the typical thing that we would say. I want to do things, lots of things. But not anything wrongly extreme. There's a reason why religion limits your words and actions, and I am a huge believer in that. So as I'm sitting here, with my assignments all over the place, my exams coming around the corner, and my social calendar full with unwilling events, I'm wondering, when can I do something?
No comments:
Post a Comment