A Bachelorette is Nothing Without Her Pad (Bachelorette’s Pad, that is. Not the other Pad)

View from my bedroom window.

It is my first week in my new apartment. My room is empty except for a 700-ringgit mattress (instant noodles for the rest of the month, hello) and piles of boxes of my stuff against the wall. But I LOVE IT. My window has the most spectacular view of the city. It overlooks a large lake, and behind the lake stands the Twin Towers and the rest of the city lights. Late at night when you make yourself a cup of coffee, sit down on the floor and look out the window (my window is large and almost to the floor) with your bedroom lights turned off the view is magnificent. Then you enjoy the lights reflected on the surface of the lake and the tall city towers and you think, ‘It can’t get any better than this!’

My balcony overlooks the large infinity pool and in the morning one could do yoga bathed in morning sunlight while enjoying the pool serenity (Okay, okay fine. And maybe check out those guys swimming around down there).

A few days ago the genius me bought a closet at Carrefour (“oh of course I can put them up myself! It looks really easy!”) And then the three of us, my two housemates and I, spent about an hour putting the closet together. And needless to say I was the most un-useful one, having the role as ‘The Girl Who Held the Nails in The Plastic Bag and Passed Them Around When Needed’.

I finally have my VERY OWN HOME!! I’m so proud. Haha! Okay time to raid the fridge and see what can be eaten without cooking.

SuperNanny Can Kick SuperMan’s Ass On Any Given Day

On Saturday 13th March I undertook Mission Probably Impossible; nanny duty. My Ummi (Mom) had some errands to run and I had to babysit my baby brother and my boy cousin for the day. Solution = Bring them somewhere they could scream, run around and destroy things and it will still be legal. Hence PETROSCIENCE! (note: nothing pumps a kid’s adrenaline like complicated colorful scientific objects in an exhibition. And the singing Dinosaur robot just blows their minds!).

Ask anyone I know and they would say that although God gave me many gifts, babysitting ain’t one of them (To prove this, last month at a street show I accidentally stepped on someone’s child). I woke up early and chose a good outfit – something that hopefully screams sophisticated mature responsible woman on the prowl with well-behaved kids. Not slutty Miss High Heels who looks like a child kidnapper. (another note: wear WEDGES while on nanny duty. They allow you to run around after children while still looking good and under control)

It was fairly easy, though. Pile a lot of sugar in them (waffles, ice cream, candy etc), let them run around in Petronscience, introduce them to your guy friend who looks too cool for school (it’s amazing how young boys always seem to admire the abang (older brothers)) and bring them to Toys’r’us twice on the same day. And for God’s sake buy them some Transformers/Ultraman Taro on the way home.

While I was watching them I realized that children – like me once upon a really long time ago – live the simplest life possible. They’re always so blissfully happy. As innocent as a white cloth. Will never lie to you. See the world as black or white, wrong or right. No drama. The simplest things make them smile. Ignorant of all the bad things the world has to offer. I can’t quite remember the last time I had lived in that phase. It must’ve been good though.

Lessons To Be Learned From Movies

House of Wax – If you get to a wax museum where there are no other tourists, promotion pamphlets and a website, run. Also, if you’re that girl from the group with the trashy lingerie running around in the jungle, chances are you probably won’t survive.

Definitely, Maybe – Sometimes what you’re looking for is right in front of you. And keep in mind that it takes some people a few bad relationships, a divorce and a kid to figure that out. So be warned.

Forest Gump – Stay away from that dude who owns the shrimp restaurant. Or you’ll never hear the end of it.

Star Wars – Queen Amidala is how Lady Gaga got the idea to become a freak show. And it is NOT possible to walk around in space without an oxygen tank.

My Best Friend’s Wedding – Shit happens.

Jennifer’s Body – Megan Fox is undeniably steaming hot. If she competes with you for your boyfriend, give up already.

(500) Days of Summer – It is not possible to be wise and in love at the same time.

Lord of the Rings – They lied. An elf is not supposed to look that cute (picture Orlando Bloom here). In fact, an elf is usually really tiny with hideous ears and a scrunched up face, much like a premature baby.

Ocean’s 11, 12, 13 – Again, they lied. Criminals never look this good. If you don’t believe me look at all those mug shots.

Legally Blonde – However lovable the character may be, in real life it is seriously annoying to see a girl in a pink suit tottering around with a Chihuahua.

Pirates of the Caribbean – Don’t be the silly girl who fell in love with a pirate. They’re usually drunk half the time.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall – For goodness sake, Hawaii is the last place to mend a broken heart. Go to Mekah.

Wanted – Oh, who knows what the lesson is about. Let’s face it, we watched it because Angelina Jolie was in it.

He’s Just Not That Into You – If a guy doesn’t give a shit, it’s because he really, really doesn’t give a shit. Love cures commitment phobia.

Talentime – Malaysian movies are awesome sometimes.

All the Boys, I Mean Men, In My Life

In every story a man will ever tell you, there will always, always, always be a girl, if not many. Spiderman’s was Mary Jane Watson. Anakin Skywalker’s was Queen Amidala. Even friggin’ Mickey Mouse had Minnie Mouse. The same goes for girls. As much as I had vowed to never ever speak about men in this blog, it is, however, inevitable. After all, much of the important chapters of my life had a male character revolved around it, whether it is with or without my conscience.

On the day I hopped on the train on a five-hour ride to my hometown, it was 6.30 p.m. and the sun was just setting. From my window I could see the sun setting behind the series of mountains of Titiwangsa, and the rays of orange sunlight against the green carpet of tropic jungle was absolutely stunning. I sat cross legged covered in a flannel blanket (travelling tip: flannel blankets equal ten times the comfort!) and on the other side of the aisle a cute guy was sitting there smiling at me. Now I don’t mean to brag but any 22 year-old gal worth her salt knows ‘the smile’. You know, that smile a guy gives you when he’s interested in making conversation but is way too shy. It’s incredibly flattering, and believe me, on any given day I would probably respond with the ‘Try harder stupid!’ smile signal, but on this day not so much.

Instead I kept thinking back about all those boys/guys. All those boys/guys that ever existed in my life. Ones I dated, ones I almost dated, ones I dated and then proceeded to have relationships with, ones who broke my heart, ones whose hearts I broke. What does it mean? Why did I meet all these men? I am a huge believer that everyone we met in this world, we meet for a reason. Therefore I can never say that I regret meeting any of them, because surely it was all part of the 'bigger plan'. Yes, even that guy who liked me but throughout the relationship I was 50% sure that he was gay.

Sometimes I think I’ve seen it all (but I haven't, I know, I know). The guy who was so clingy I felt like babysitting a five year old. The guy who liked me too much it was like dating a stalker. The guy who couldn’t stop talking about how hot he thinks his ass is. The guy with the lowest self esteem he almost passed out when we had a fight. The guy who was so drunk I had to stand five feet away to avoid the terrible alcohol smell. In the midst of me meeting them, and learning so much from these characters, I also learned that as much as it is wrong for you to think that marriage will fix everything and becomes the only key to happiness, it is also wrong to think that the guy who is perfection would make a good relationship with you. Imperfection is the new perfection, or so I heard Kate Moss said.

There isn’t a single guy that I have met that I wished I didn’t. As screwed up as that relationship may have been, they really helped me grow up. That’s why I hate it when I read self help books/articles that refer to men as these unrecognizable creatures whom you have to proceed with caution, which you have to treat as if they are programmed robots (although they do make some casing point, you men do revolve most of your thoughts around one thing only, and we all know what that one thing is LOL). Most of the men I met have (thank God!) brains. And most of you are smart, funny, awesome people to have fun with. But I stress the word most. Remember that guy who was so drunk to even put two words together? Yawwwwnnn.

The Soundtrack of My Life

Trouble (Coldplay) – Beautiful, Cold/Freezing, Quiet mornings in Perth
Coast to Coast (Westlife) – Mom and Dad in the car when I was younger. They were huge fans of Westlife
Zikir Zaman (Ramli Sarip) – Dad in his patriotic mood
Better man (Robbie Williams) – Dad melayan jiwang, preferably in the car
Stop Right Now (Spice Girls) – Childhood in UK. Obsession with the Spice Girls to the extent of sticker and bubble-gum collection.
Strawberry Swing (Coldplay) – A really good night in the city. Good weather, good friends, the river reflecting the entire city lights. With coffee in one hand.
Dua Tiga Kuching Berlari (Lullaby) – Opah putting babies to sleep (myself included)
Because You Love Me (Celine Dion) – Mom cooking in the kitchen, while wishing she could watch TV instead.
River Flows in You (Piano by Yiruma) – Don’t feel down about all the bad dates you have. Some people have seriously tragic love stories.
Ordinary Day (Vanessa Carlton) – I wish I could play the piano. Oh wait maybe I should learn how to do that…
Down (Jay Sean) – Table dancing at the ladies’ night
Why can’t I (Liz Phair) – Teenage years obsessing over my first boyfriend
Steer (Missy Higgins) – I want to climb mountains, discover cities, eat pasta in small Italian villages and see the rest of the world!
Only Hope (Mandy Moore) – Raudhatul Akmal. One particular rainy afternoon in boarding school, she and I were lying down on the cold cement floor of the dormitory listening to my dodgy walkman to this very song. Ever since then every time I hear it I kept thinking of that exact moment.
Who Let the Dogs Out? (Baha Men) – That slut needs some serious bitch-slapping
God is The Light (Yusuf Islam) – One of those rare moments when I’m contempt with just being myself and wanting to become a better person.
Single Ladies (Beyonce) – Who needs men?
Hey Jude (The Beatles) – Sigh. Wouldn’t it be fun to have a date right now.
The Blower’s Daughter (Damien Rice) – Cloudy sunsets at the beach
Tell Me Baby (Red Hot Chili Peppers) – Seriously kick-ass concerts, loud crowds and lots of sweat
Just Around the Riverbend (Pocahontas, Disney) – Is-this-all-there-is-to-my-life mood
Somewhere Only We Know (Keane) – Rainy misty mornings in London
Yellow (Coldplay) – Love and all the crazy things we do for it
Scandalous (Mis-Teeq) – Victoria’s Secret models
Radio (Ne-yo) – Road Trip to Bintulu, 2006. No radio coverage, just one CD. And this same song kept playing over and over again.
May It Be (Anya) – Sitting on top of a green hill on a nice day and sketching the view.
Happy (Leona Lewis) – A guy I know.