Paris Je T'aime!

It's 5.43 pm on Saturday. My housemates aren't around, and next door I could hear the construction people working. I've always had this bad fantasy about people breaking in while I'm at home alone, and then I would proceed to hide under the bed and call 911 while whispering 'Somebody's in my house!'. And the cops would take way too long to get here, and I would proceed to have to comfront the bad guy and stab him with my sharp hair pin, and the story goes on and on...

Anyway. So I opened the balcony glass doors wide open, and I placed my cell phone near me so I could reach them. It's raining outside (gosh I love rainy Saturdays!) and the curtains are blowing everywhere. In case somebody breaks in I have decided to knock him out with this laptop. Oh look at that amazing view! This apartment is totally worth spending my paycheck over!

Two days ago a collegue told me she was resigning from work to do her pHD in the UK. The minute she told me about it I felt kind of sad. In December 2009 I dropped out from my Masters Degree. If I had carried on doing it, I would be in Paris by September in its college, studying. PARIS. I mean, people go there for a vacation, but no - I was going to live there for two years!

Decisions in our lives are made out of three things - fear, people around us and the sense of security. Some days I feel sorry I passed on the chance to go live in Paris, my one big fantasy since my childhood. Some days I feel like I did the right thing - I am financially stable, could afford pretty much any handbag I want, and met friends and a boy at work whom, if nothing at all, completely changed the way I look at the world. I wouldn't have gotten all these if I hadn't turned down the Paris offer. Although one could not stop but wonder, what if?

I had once heard a religious saying that it is a sin to regret. I suppose there is a definite logic behind it. When you have regrets you dwell in the past, the things that you should and shouldn't have done, the mistakes etc. The most important thing is who you want to become, not who you were. Everybody screws up in the past, in different ways and in different levels. You're smart if you learn from your own mistakes and try to be better. You're a genius, however, if you learn from other people's mistakes too.

Why God Created Rain

I finished class at 3 p.m today, and by the time I walked out of the lecture hall, it was raining really heavily. It wasn't like those tropical, heavy raindrops I used to get, what with the scary thunders and lightnings and all. It was a silent shower, the kind that creates a mist around, and it's only until you're standing in the middle of it that you know it's a heavy shower.

Well, I wanted to get home quickly, since I haven't done my yoga for days, so I decided to walk it through. The water was like ice, and it made me wince everytime the wind blows it to my face. But somehow, it felt kind of good, actually. The smell of it, is just really fresh, and your clothes are all wet, and you're cold all over. It felt like the nature's way of cleansing. It felt good, although I was shaking like anything when I got home. Plus I didn't even have a jacket to cover my face, only a plastic file with my lecture papers in them.

It was a good twenty minute walk home, and as splash-splash-splash goes my Sembonia shoes in the puddles and water drains, I felt like I was walking down the London streets. God I loved that city. I love the busy streets and the classic buildings and the misty rain that always seem to surround it. Coldness is misery when you're walking outside, but sometimess it feels good, like reality, freshness of something that comes from nature straight to you. When I'm standing in the rain, I feel kind of at peace with myself, like I can sit there for hours and think about everything. And I mean everything, like my dreams and ambitions, my search of something that's so much more than I could see, and my family.

The overcast and grey skies always remind me of my family. I love it, I love everything about my family. I think about my father's hard work and his devotion to my mother, and it makes me want to be that lucky in love too. And my mother's pure, pure heart. She's the kind of woman that I want to be. She found what was hers, and she embraced it. And my siblings are more than I could ask for.

When I got home, I was a huge sloppy mess. But it's good to be home. It's good to see the rain pouring outside and knowing that I'm safe inside. Then I changed to my pyjamas, made a cup of tea, and here I am, sitting by the window and watching the rain. I see rooftops of houses, and the infinite murky sky. Cars drive by down the street, and it's all misty around. I watch the water on the roadside moving fast. Can life turn extraordinary? Can we get more than what we see? Can in one minute, something happens to you, and it makes you love living all over again?

Rain. It's a simple, natural thing, but everyone have their own secret story behind the pouring water and blowing wind. And more suprisingly, one person might have the same story as you do. The same story about the dark sky, the icy water and that smell, that smell that's just indescribable. The smell of water and grass and cold and wind, all mixed up in one. I don't know anyone who hates that smell.

Sigh.