The Historical Pig And What It Has To Do With Robin WIlliams

I just saw Robin Williams on youtube. Youtube is like a bad curse! Have you ever realised how much valuable time you spend on that darn website? It's addictive, I think it has the potential to even overrule meth and crack. I mean, yesterday I spent hours watching the Victoria's Secret runway show (Hana, when will I ever be rich enough to afford them bras? Now is a good time to start considering marrying Donald Trump). And today I've been watching all stand up comedies from David Chapelle, Russel Peters and Robin Williams.

Robin Williams says nowadays everyone is into the whole 'iPod' scene. Well he's looking for an 'iWife'. It's got a 'touch' screen, where you can touch all you want, a hole, it doesn't pretend to know everything, and the best part is it knows that he has a 'hard' drive. Get it? Hilarious!!

Zaza wants me to tell the pork story. So here goes. We Muslims can't eat pork, and honestly even if we can, I'd think twice about those two wet snorty holes in the pig's face. But we found this Buddhist restaurant that serves everything soy. They have imitations of everything - fish, chicken, cat, and God bless them, pork! Now I know if my neighbour in Serdang sees me eating a pork-imitated soy dish, she would start shaking her head, turn to the nearest group of kids and say, "You see that girl? You don't want to be like her. She's on a fast track to prison."

Anyway, one fine night we decided to give it a try. One can't help but wonder how a pig tastes like. What was the fuss all about? So we ordered. One fat plate of honey soy pork. And here comes the lumps of red coloured soy meat. Meanwhile Zaza was still denying her right to taste the soy pork. Instead she was having this hideous plate of crispy noodles, which looks like a bird's nest to me. All it needs is a few feather strands here and there, and lo and behold! A fat Dodo bird might land on it.

I tried the soy pork. First mouthful. Exactly how I thought pig would taste like. Chewy. Strangely sweet. Now this is quite nice, I thought. Second mouthful. Is it just me or does this meat feels strangely chewy? Almost like eating fat. Third mouthful. Okay, puking alert, puking alert! Then I look up at Zaza and said, "you should try them! They're really good!"

Oh by the way, throughout this whole story, Hana was just busy picking on the chicken salad. Sadly enough she had spared me any blonde moments throughout this dinner. I swear to God, usually she even makes Paris Hilton look bad.

Now here comes Zaza with her first taste of bloody soy pork. She chews it, pauses for a moment, then said, "It's okay I guess." Do you know this look people always give you when they're lying? It's a very significant look. Their noses would be slightly flared, and they say their words out slowly. In this case Zaza was saying how it tastes okay, but that smile on her face literally screams Oh-God-get-me-a-paper-bag. And that was our pork moment.