The Historical Pig And What It Has To Do With Robin WIlliams

I just saw Robin Williams on youtube. Youtube is like a bad curse! Have you ever realised how much valuable time you spend on that darn website? It's addictive, I think it has the potential to even overrule meth and crack. I mean, yesterday I spent hours watching the Victoria's Secret runway show (Hana, when will I ever be rich enough to afford them bras? Now is a good time to start considering marrying Donald Trump). And today I've been watching all stand up comedies from David Chapelle, Russel Peters and Robin Williams.

Robin Williams says nowadays everyone is into the whole 'iPod' scene. Well he's looking for an 'iWife'. It's got a 'touch' screen, where you can touch all you want, a hole, it doesn't pretend to know everything, and the best part is it knows that he has a 'hard' drive. Get it? Hilarious!!

Zaza wants me to tell the pork story. So here goes. We Muslims can't eat pork, and honestly even if we can, I'd think twice about those two wet snorty holes in the pig's face. But we found this Buddhist restaurant that serves everything soy. They have imitations of everything - fish, chicken, cat, and God bless them, pork! Now I know if my neighbour in Serdang sees me eating a pork-imitated soy dish, she would start shaking her head, turn to the nearest group of kids and say, "You see that girl? You don't want to be like her. She's on a fast track to prison."

Anyway, one fine night we decided to give it a try. One can't help but wonder how a pig tastes like. What was the fuss all about? So we ordered. One fat plate of honey soy pork. And here comes the lumps of red coloured soy meat. Meanwhile Zaza was still denying her right to taste the soy pork. Instead she was having this hideous plate of crispy noodles, which looks like a bird's nest to me. All it needs is a few feather strands here and there, and lo and behold! A fat Dodo bird might land on it.

I tried the soy pork. First mouthful. Exactly how I thought pig would taste like. Chewy. Strangely sweet. Now this is quite nice, I thought. Second mouthful. Is it just me or does this meat feels strangely chewy? Almost like eating fat. Third mouthful. Okay, puking alert, puking alert! Then I look up at Zaza and said, "you should try them! They're really good!"

Oh by the way, throughout this whole story, Hana was just busy picking on the chicken salad. Sadly enough she had spared me any blonde moments throughout this dinner. I swear to God, usually she even makes Paris Hilton look bad.

Now here comes Zaza with her first taste of bloody soy pork. She chews it, pauses for a moment, then said, "It's okay I guess." Do you know this look people always give you when they're lying? It's a very significant look. Their noses would be slightly flared, and they say their words out slowly. In this case Zaza was saying how it tastes okay, but that smile on her face literally screams Oh-God-get-me-a-paper-bag. And that was our pork moment.

The One Where I Found Out That We Grew Up

I honestly can't believe that I haven't been blogging for more than a year! This could possibly be due to me busy being educated on rocks and soils and the works. I still remember sitting in class watching my old-as-fossil lecturer talking about some trilobites (which are basically ancient cockroaches that died. Honestly, I'm beginning to feel that the cockroaches themselves weren't aware that they were important). Now I am on the fast track to graduate! Yeehaa!

I just got back from a three-week long winter holiday getaway. I went to East Australia, spent all my money, and now I'm ending up eating Maggi for the rest of the bloody month.

The trip was great. Wait. That's an understatement. The trip was super! I haven't seen my girlfriends for ages, and it was good to be back with the old crowd. Hana has a boyfriend now, which made me feel like I was the one stuck in time and she took the express train to Capri. But he was a really nice guy, and I could never be more happy for her. I just hope to God that she doesn't have any 'future' plans yet (we have travelling plans, remember?). Odd has turned into this incredible, gorgeous woman, and it's amazing how just a few years back, we were busy sneaking out of dinner halls and hiding under the beds from wardens. Oh, and need I to remind you about all those late night binging? Sigh, the times where you can eat a tonne of junk food and never gain a pound. Zaza is literally the new hot stuff, the amazing transition from Mr. Macho Man I'm-with-the-guitar-and-a-checkered-shirt to about twenty handbags. Changes, changes.

Sydney was bea-utiful! I especially loved the long ferry rides where you sit outside and watch the city lights at night. It makes you feel like there's a whole world out there. You can either choose to sit back and watch the world rotate or jump in and join the whole chaos. The sea breeze is so nice in your face and the whole city passes you buy. There was a couple who was standing in front of me trying to take pictures of themselves with the Harbour Bridge at the background. Did you know that some people have the nerves to walk along the top of the bridge? I mean, the height of it! I would probably throw up all over the place if I was there.

There was this one time where we ended up by the sea at around 7 that night. The Harbour Bridge was in view, the Opera House was sparkling and the whole city to the left was all lights and tall buildings. We sat on the benches and talked and ate KFC and had drinks. People were passing by doing their own business, and I saw small cafes further up the road. It was full of people and it was lonely at the same time. We were sitting right off the sea and the bridge. Then I realised, this is one of my to-do lists in life! I had this one long list of things that I want to do before I die. Nothing ridiculous, just things that are achievable but I am yet to do. Like bitch slapping someone and getting away with it. Go ice-skating in an open park at night. Learn to play the guitar. At #15 in the list I said 'have coffee by the bridge beside the sea/river at night'. And I did it! I can now tick that one out of the list!

Then we moved to Canberra. It was a nice, small, quiet place, the kind of place where you would certainly consider spending your retired days in when you're old and crumpled. I have this mental image of me, 50 years from now (or more, hopefully!), with a face that looks as if I just ate a whole lemon, and the juices all sucked out of me, walking along the streets where the trees are bare and the green fields empty. Canberra has by far the best variety of restaurants I've seen in Australia. Pancake Parlour was amazing! It has an old pub feel to it, and wooden furnitures and floors and vintage paintings made the place feel warm despite the weather outside that could literally give your nose a frost-bite. Oh, and let's not go to the pancakes. I will only say this; if I am to go on a hiking trip to the Everest, and I'm only allowed to bring one single meal, that would be it! The people in Canberra was so nice as well! The girls were friendly,and here I thought they stopped making nice boys in this world =P.

When I had to leave I wanted to bawl my eyes out so baaad, but my macho-ness got the better of me. Hana and Zaza was there at the bus stop, and as I sat in the bus while they passed by, all I could think of was that here was another goodbye; I do not own any better friends than my boarding school girls. I mean, imagine this. I was going on a skiing trip early that morning and I forgot my shoes. Zaza and Hana both drove back to send them to me at 2 in the morning! Who the hell does that? I was really touched that they went through all the trouble so the lousy-clumsy me could get my shoes.

When I got to Sydney airport Odd came to have lunch with me even when it was for a couple of hours. She came with a cab to have boring sandwiches with me for 2 hours. I love her for that!

So that basically wraps up my whole winter holiday. You know you've had the perfect holiday when

1. Something broke (Zaza's heater leg.Sorry!)

2. Someone falls brutally but escapes with no broken ribs (me down Perisher. Fuzzy.=P)

3. You learn new words (sengkiu!)

4. You find people shorter than you (sorry Hana. I love you really)

5. You find someone cute =)

6. You realise Perth is not alone in the boring-city category

7. You buy something you would never have bought (a magazine just so you get the free notebook)

8. You spent all your money

9. You gain an extra kilo

10. You come back happier than ever!